Lean On Me.

I wonder why people are still drawn to other people who have hurt them in the past. I wish as human beings, we had the ability to just shut off someone who has hurt us. Like when we're cut, we bleed. When we're sad, we cry. When somethings funny, we laugh. When we get hurt, we should just beable to do the hockey pockey, and turn yourself about, and thats what its all about.

Jasons a douch bag. And I don't want to be with him. But last night I went out and had a blast with Kristin and some people. And when I got home, and layed in bed, I got sad. Lonley. Horny, yes. I just wanted to be with someone. BUT tell me why, IF I had been with someone, I would have felt guilty afterwards? Why is THAT possible? THAT is not fair. I know I'm the only who comes up with these feelings. It's my responsibility to be a big girl, and tell myself 'People break-up with people, and then they go and sleep with other people. It's Ok. It's normal. It's the nature of life.' (That felt pretty good ;)

So I asked my girlfriends to send me reasons why calling Jason when Im drunk is a retarded idea. I compilled them onto a piece of paper, and tapped it to my wall next to my bed. This is my vow, my promise, my commitment: I will never..do that again.

Check Please!

Im stuck in this weird space.
Like I just walked into a Bubble...and its filled with STRESS.

Unfortunatly I don't handle this kind of stress very well.
Im sure theres several types of stress..
Like active stress. Active stress would be like when your with your friends and they stab themself in the hand with a knife... and you click into 'Nurse Mode'. Yeah its stressful, but your moving, doing, acting, creating, establishing.
I dont know how else to descride it, but thats one kind of stress. Im good in that kind of stress. When people ask me 'Are you good under pressure?' or 'Do you handle stress well?'
I always say yes.

But Im in Still Stress.
Like everything is stopped...and STRESSFUL!
Nothing is moving, nothing is improving, developing, or being established.
Everything is just..stuck.
Money..stuck.
Job..stuck.
Family..stuck.
Its like the world stopped turning.

And I don't know what to do..
So I drink, and hope it will come to me.
I want a light at the end of my tunnel... a break.

Grass,Tats, and Class

Lets back up to last night.
I went over to my aunts to talk about about a business we're putting together.
One thing lead to another and..I got high.

I havn't been for over two years.
I knew the time would come..and it did. When she threw the pipe in front of my face my lips reached out and kissed it.

I wasn't as geeky as I feard I'ld be. I enjoyed it ;)
We we're actually quite productive, although on a daily basis, I understand her more when Im sober and she's high.
Good to know.

Now I just got home from getting my tattoo done.
I've been trying to get this down for about 6 months.
Its a star made up of music notes and its on my left hip and falls into my front.
Finally, I did it. And I LOVE it. It looks amazing, and feels like acid.
When he was done he rubbed me down with alcohol and cleaned it up.
I didn't realize how long it'd been since someone full on touched me there..and like that ;)
I got caught up in the moment and then snapped out of it before a sex moan slipped off my tounge.

Im classy.

Just Don't Do It

I found a bathtub.
I didn't find one, I had to go buy one..and then make myself stay in it.

Theres too much at stake.
But it kept my mind busy, which was nice.

Iv learned I am in a state of "extreme".
I went from never seeing a Tornado, to trying to run through one. One extreme to another, and I did this because I was scared of just stopping and being still.
My 'emotional feelers' are out, and they are reaching for someone to dream about.Think about.
Be close to. Cared about.
Im a lonely hopeless romantic..
...in a bathtub.

Just Do It

So theres this "Tornado" (if you will) going on at my workplace.
A Tornado of lust, deception, drama and temptation.

Normally, I would advise anyone to keep themselves out of harms way.
Its a Tornado, find a bath tub...take coverage, and wait for it to blow over.
When I was in a relationship,I always had a bathtub to hide in. In fact, I was in a different state all together, not able to be phased about such disaster. I would just see it on the news as something that happened somewhere with somebody.

But now, I look at that and think: "I wonder if I could run through that?"
Where this curiosity comes from..I havnt figured it out yet.
Im not confident I'm going to do anything with it either.
All I know is that I'm keeping an eye on this wind tunnel, and my running shoes by the door.

BoyCrazy

My Name is Misty and I'm an addict.
::Hi Misty::
Im addicted to boys.
It's been about a 5 weeks since I've had my last boy.
::Applause::


So Im single for the first time since I discovered boys.
I feel famous. Like discovered.
As if Christina Augleria was just quietly humming to herself for the past 6 years.
Singing in the shower, and rockin out in the car. With a voice her peers know she has, but only she hears.
Then one night she gets a call from her friends at midnight asking her to come down and join the party at a local bar. She arrives to drunkin hugs and slurred 'I love you's' from her loved ones and hears the DJ come on over the speakers announcing Kareoke hour. They scream and jump over her, pushing her to the stage.
Two versus in, and the micrphone is pulling the sound and emotion out of her body.
Now she's out. Exposed. Genuine. And everyone sees her as she sees herself.
Discovered.

My clothes fit right. My hair falls naturally. Im in my own skin.
I just dont know why I was so afraid of this for so long.
Timing is everything...

No Surprise

I needed to rewrite this because the more I read the original post that i created as my "first post", the less sence it made.
::UghHum::
>Tucks hair behind ears<

I created a blog.
I love to write. So I will write about parts of my life with ease knowing that the only person reading, is Ashli.
And she knows too much as it is.
Im also slightly nervous because I feel like someone's going to find it? Like a diary? Which adds bravery to whatever is written.

We'll see how far I push myself.
And....Action!